Talking to your Son about Wet Dreams

Talking to your Son about Wet Dreams and other Body stuff

Oh boy, oh boy! If you have a boy and puberty is here this blog entry is for YOU! There are many things you'll want to discuss with your son before, during, and after puberty pertaining to sex and growing up.

One of the bigger conversations will need to be around erections and wet dreams. A book can be a great place to start the conversation. There are general body books and more specific books on puberty changes and other important related topics. Be sure to check out our book list for some suggestions to get you started. 

I think where parents often get stuck is how to simply explain adult topics like ejaculations, wet dreams, erections, etc. It is helpful to have a bit of scripting around how to explain things. Here are a few scripts I've often used in the years teaching "THE Talk". 

Broaching the subject

Find a game to play together and talk while you are playing. Begin with small talk and then mention to your son that you've noticed they are growing up: getting taller, a few pimples, hair in some new places, and smellier. 😂

"There are a few things I'd like to talk to you about that are going to happen over the next several years. Mainly what to expect during puberty when you grown into a man. Puberty is when a boy or a girl's body goes through physical and emotional changes to make it possible to reproduce and have children someday. The male reproductive system is pretty amazing. Its basic parts are the penis, scrotum, testicles, glands, and a urethra. It will get a growth spurt during puberty too. There will be changes you can see and changes you can't see. Can you think of some?" (acne, body odor, sweat more, penis and testicles grow, pubic hair, underarm and facial hair, voice deepens, etc)

One of the biggest puberty changes a boy goes through is his body makes a brand new fluid it has never made before. This fluid contains microscopic cells called sperm that are needed to make a baby. Boys begin making this brand new fluid called semen a few years into puberty. Sperm are what men provide to make a baby. Even though you aren't ready for babies for a long time your body will be practicing making sperm and the fluid they will swim in called semen for years to come. Once you start making sperm you make them until the day you die. Semen is a white milky fluid that comes out of the penis." 

How to Explain Wet Dreams Simply

"Sometimes when the body is practicing making semen it could leak out at night. This is  often called a wet dream or what your health teacher or doctor may call a nocturnal emission. Some boys have wet dreams, some do not. If it happens to you it's perfectly normal and nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about and they will stop happening as you get older. I'd like you to simply throw your clothes and sheets in the wash if it gets on them and know that I always love when you come to me with your questions."  

How to Explain Erections Simply

"Another thing that you'll experience more of are erections. An erection is when blood flows to the penis causing it become harder and sit up. A popular nickname you may hear is "boner" but there are no bones in the penis. Just blood vessels that fill up. Even babies get erections. You've been getting them your whole life and they last for a few minutes and go away. During puberty you are going to experience them a lot more frequently. They can happen because of touch or thoughts or even for no good reason at all. If you are somewhere like school and it happens there are a number of ways to cover it up. Boys often put their hands in their pockets, untuck their shirt, or use a book in front to cover them. It's perfectly normal and they even happen when you sleep. Sometimes you may wake up when one is happening. Any questions so far?"

If you haven't talked about masturbation now is a good time. 

"The thing is that private parts of our bodies are very sensitive and can feel good to touch. When a boy or a girl touches his or her own private parts it is called masturbation. It is important that if someone wants to touch their private parts of their body that they do that in a private place.  Never in public or where others can see. The bathroom or bedroom are examples of private places. It is nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about but should be done in moderation and private." 

What it may feel like?

"When semen leaves the penis there is a special name for that. It's called an ejaculation because the sperm in the semen will be ejected from a man's body. When this happens there also can be a special physical and emotional feeling that happens in the body. This is called an orgasm and feels good. This is part of nature's design for us to have children someday."

More help......

If you still feel like you'd like additional support in navigating this conversation, and I totally get it, definitely check out our live and online courses where parents and their children learn about sex and growing up together. This can help you lay a great foundation of knowledge about growing up and practice the skill of talking about tough things with your son.